Relika Nox (electrumicity) wrote,
Relika Nox

So I'm reviewing an album for CoS. Short review, but I've been writing notes while listening to the songs.

Here are my unedited notes.

BTW this album SUCKS.

Icon is because I wish I could gas the band like the Master did with the people in that scene.

Track 1 - Guitar: steady, rhythmic... Singer seems to be singing a bit out of his range... Kind of flat...yeeeeah... Uninspired. Reverb on vocals. r u srs.

Track 2 - Starts off catchier, at least. VOCALIST, SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU ARE RUINING EVERYTHING EVER. So...dull...unenergetic. Not passionate. "Moving up the fretboards works wonders for this guitar." Even if the riffs don't deviate much, it's at least nicer to listen to than the previous song. Like more of an than just. oh look at me. I'm strumming. yeah. I'm badass. OH, FADEOUT, HOW ORIGINAL MY GODDDD yes please go away shut up now

Track 3 - Takes a more leisurely do they think they're REM? No. Shut up. Oh hi piano. Piano is always nice. Piano backing throughout. Make it more at the forefront. FUCK THE VOCALS AND THE GUITAR RIFF GOD SHUT UP SHUT UP. :| Only seems to be featured in between verses... I'd really honestly hear the gd piano. Because the piano part is actually very nice. THERE finally it's taking a bit more of a forefront but it took bloody long enough. I wouldn't mind hearing the song as just its piano part. I'd listen to it on repeat. As it is, fuck this shit.

Track 4 - Incredibly. Generic. Okay seriously. Who cares.

Track 5 - Back to moar upbeat. OH MY GOD HE CHANGED CHORDS, CALL THE PRESSES. I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDER-MAN. Seriously though, someone string up and gag this vocalist. The little...arpeggios on the guitar are completely pointless and brings momentum to a halt. are the "LOOK AT ME I CAN JUST RANDOMLY MAKE NOISE ON MY GUITAR" WTF is that supposed to be a solo? Okay. It really seems. Like he dropped his guitar into a pit of equipment and is trying to pull it out and failing spectacularly. And they ran out of time on making the song so they just went with that.

Track 6 - Boooooooooring... I nothing it. brb napping. So uh...are we getting vocals? ACTUALLY YOU KNOW WHAT NO. NO VOCALS ARE FINE BY ME. I mean the song still sucks but at least I don't have to hear the damn singer. HERE COME THE DRUMS, HERE COME THE DRUMS. ::boogies:: Oh god this song is six and a half minutes. Oh great. How far are you standing from the mic? I think the mic is running away from you, for good reason. "I would stay tired all night"...yeah opposed to...not being tired being up all night? Building...building....okay it might have cresendo'd (spell that shit) but hard to notice the exact moment. Still, the solo isn't too bad. Nothing spectacular, but after the last song, it's bloody Hendrix. I think they're trying to make some sort of ~*epic*~ song. And kind of um. Failing. Because I've still got over a minute to go, and I've already been thinking for a while now "WHEN IS THIS SHIT GOING TO STOP". Much like I have been thinking since five seconds into track 1.

Track 7 - Is this Dust in the Wind? CAN YOU DECIDE WHAT GENRE YOU WANT TO BE? BECAUSE YOU KIND OF SUCK AT EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM. please don't try rapping. Seriously. These lyrics are just incredibly dull. I feel like I can hear this at a goddamn church meeting. COMMUNION TIME, LINE UP EVERYONE, NOW LET'S HAVE GET HELP PLAY MUSIC WHILE YOU EAT JESUS. I mean I guess the riff is nice, but even that just You can't balance an entire song on just a decent riff. Not when the vocals are this bad. Just purely acoustic song, too.

Track 8 - HERE COME THE DRUUUUUMS. Oh goodie, another...I DON'T EVEN GOD jkhhdkjas shut up. More genericness. Whatever. Even Brandon Flowers can do better. ...actually, yeah, prolly wouldn't go that far. ...I dunno. Maybe.

Track 9 - LOOK MA, I CAN USE DISTORTION. WE'RE GREEN DAY NOW! ...zzz. Ok seriously I do not care. Please get shot by a Dalek. PLEASE. Even a Dalek could sing better than this.

Track 10 - What the hell was with that intro? What are we doing? Tuning a guitar while watching Animal Planet? Stop writing lyrics. Seriously. STOP MAKING MUSIC. THE LYRICS IN MY LITTLE PONY SONGS ARE MORE CLEVER THAN THIS.

Track 11 - Featuring the vocalist is not smart when the vocalist is BORING. No seriously. Look at this empty room. This is the amount of fuck I give. What's....with the random drum beat? Someone's kicking the studio door and telling them to get the hell out before they infect all of the systems with their SUCK.
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